Taking Care of Weapon Day
by snowbunnie13
Summary: Blaire listens in on a certain conversation, and totally takes it the wrong way.  A story told in two parts.  Rated T for LOTS OF INNUENDO, so readers beware.
1. Chapter 1

Taking Care of Weapon Day

A story told in two parts

Chapter one: What Blaire heard

"Lalalalalala~ I have returned from work, nya~!" The purple cat pranced into the apartment, remembering how funny Deathscythe was that day. He talked about Maka as a baby when he got drunk. "Scythe-boy? Maka? Nya~?" The house was silent.

First she checked Soul's room, preparing a sneak attack, but to no avail. Blaire was about to try Maka's room when she heard noises coming from the bathroom.

"What are Soul and Maka doing in the bathroom, nya~?" Blaire snuck over to the door and pressed her ear against it.

"I love 'take care of weapon time'!" Soul's voice was first, followed by a splash.

Maka laughed. "I know." More splashes—was there a bath? "Oh, Soul! You're so dirty!" She complained.

"Hey, you're the one who gets me that way, so don't complain."

_Whoa! _Blaire thought, covering her mouth with her paws. Then, smirking, she decided to sit and listen to what would happen next.

"That feels _so _good!" Soul said. "Keep going, Maka!"

"Okie-dokie! Let's get you cleaned up!" The meister said sweetly. More splashes in the bathwater and many moans and groans from Soul. Blaire almost felt like leaving but somehow she couldn't take her ears away…

_Knock knock! _Knowing that her human friends wouldn't want to pause in their 'activities', Blaire transformed into a human to get the door.

"Soul and Maka's friends!" Blaire greeted the gang.

"Hello Blaire, we were wondering if Soul and Maka would like to play basketball with us. Are they home?" Tsubaki asked politely. "We called earlier but they didn't pick up."

"They _are _here but I don't think they'll be up for it…c'mon!" The group followed the smiling cat to the bathroom, deadly quiet as instructed.

"I _promise _I'll be gentle, Soul! So hold still!" Maka ordered as their friends listened in horror, too shocked to speak. Even Black*Star and Patti were quiet. That says something.

"But it _hurts!" _Soul complained.

"It wouldn't hurt if you just stayed still! C'mon! Lemme—"

"So uncool."

There was a giant pause outside, which was broken by Death the Kid, strangely enough. Poker face on, he said to the others, "Why do you look like that? It's a normal function for meisters and weapons. It's only natural. C'mon, Liz, Patti; let's leave our friends alone."

They followed their meister reluctantly, after what he just said. Normal?

"Did I ever tell you that you have beautiful eyes?" Maka joked, from the tone of it. Splash. "HEY! Now my skirt's all wet! Soul! You're gonna pay for that!"

"Makaaa! Don't go!"

Maka made an angry grunt. "Fine. Gotta clean your dirty shaft for the next time I ride you, after all."

"Mmm. Maka."

"How am I doing?"

"Great, but could you hold me a bit tighter? Yeah, like that. Much better."

Strange noises.

"Ugh, Soul, why do you have to be so long?"

"Hey, it's not my fault!"

"_Soul told me he isn't that big." _Black*Star whispered to Blaire. "_He's not as Godly as the—"_

"OK. I think we've had enough time here, don't you? Let's go be godly somewhere else!" Tsubaki blushed at her partner's comment and pushed him out the door. "Bye Blaire!"

"Ah! Maka! Warn me before you do that!"

"Oh, just be glad I'm not using my mouth."

"I thought we agreed never to speak of that." Soul snapped back.

"All done!"

A few minutes afterward, Soul left the bathroom with a glowing smile on his face. Maka came out a few moments after, almost tripping over Blaire, who was watching her intently.

"Maka looks tired." Blaire noticed, licking a paw.

"Yeah…Soul was really dirty today!"

"Nya~?" She questioned.

"Oh! Sundays are 'take care of weapon days'! Soul really likes it." Maka explained. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, is _that _what you call it? Nyahaha~! I wouldn't have teased scythe-boy so much if I knew how close you were!"

"What are you talking about, Blaire?" Maka crossed her arms in anger.

"'Taking care of weapon'" The cat used her claws to create imaginary quotes in the air. "I bet you take _really _good care of scythe boy!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: What actually happened

"Hey, Soul, I got the bathwater ready!" Maka shouted to the living room. "Will you get the new polish I got from Kid for my birthday? It's on the table."

"Oh cool! I've been waiting for this all day!" Soul said, grabbing the demon weapon polish. It was sponsored by a famous deathscythe, so it must be good, right?

Thanks, Soul!" Maka put the bottle with a bunch of others piled up on the floor. "Ready?"

Soul transformed into a scythe and Maka put him into the soapy water. "I'm so sore! I was in weapon form for an _hour!"_

"Hmph. Stop complaining. We got the soul, remember?" She rolled up her sleeves and got the soap.

"It was yummy!"

Maka dunked the blade into the water and began to scrub off the prekishin blood and mud. Soul hummed in happiness and closed his scythe eye. He liked it when she did this. He said it was like a massage of her wavelength…sort of…he couldn't explain it.

"I love 'take care of weapon time'!" He said to her.

"I know." Maka giggled; his happy face was highly amusing. "Oh, Soul! You're so dirty!" She noticed how much blood and dirt she still had to scrub off.

"Hey you're the one who gets me that way, so don't complain." She'd fallen down during the battle, getting him and herself muddy. It was not a pretty battle last night.

"Hey did you hear that?" Maka said quietly. "I think someone's there."

"Probably just Blaire."

"Yeah." She scrubbed a particularly stubborn stain, causing a moan.

"That feels so good!" Soul said. "Keep going, Maka!" He said that when she got spots like that one it was like she'd scratched him right where he couldn't reach.

"Okie-dokie! Let's get you cleaned up!" She continued, flipping him over to get the other side.

Then she got to his metallic eye, which was flipping out. "H-hey, my eye's clean; you don't have to touch it today! Right?" He hated this part. It was uncool.

"I _promise _I'll be gentle, Soul! So hold still!" He bent his neck around in an attempt to avoid Maka.

"But it _hurts!"_

"It wouldn't hurt if you just stayed still! C'mon! Lemme—"

Knowing she would win eventually, Soul gave in and remained stationary. "So uncool." He winced and frowned, but it was over soon.

"Did I ever tell you that you have beautiful eyes?" Maka laughed at his pitiful face. In response, Soul snuck a hand out of his blade when she wasn't looking and splashed her. "HEY! Now my skirt's all wet! Soul! You're gonna pay for that!"

They had a splash war until Soul made the mistake of getting Maka in the face. She turned around to leave.

"Makaaa! Don't go!"

"Hmph. She said after consideration of forgiveness. "Gotta clean your dirty shaft for the next time I ride you, after all." They had flight training the next day. Maka didn't feel comfortable sitting on a dirty scythe.

Maka put lots of effort when she cleaned the pole. Soul explained that when she did that it felt like a wonderful back massage, the part of him that really got sore when being in weapon form for a long time. She still didn't understand how he said he couldn't feel physical sensations of his scythe, but he could feel her comforting wavelength.

_There's a lot I don't understand about being a weapon. _Maka thought to herself. _I wish Soul would explain it properly! _

"Mmm. Maka."

"How am I doing?"

"Great, but could you hold me a bit tighter? Yeah, like that. Much better." He sighed.

_Only half way done! _Maka despaired. "Ugh, Soul, why do you have to be so long?"

"Hey, it's not my fault!"

She took him out, dried him with a towel, and balanced him carefully against the wall for polishing. He hissed when she put the chemical on. "Ah! Maka! Warn me before you do that!"

"Oh, just be glad I'm not using my mouth." She referred to a strange dare she was given by Black*Star to lick Soul's blade-arm. He sure came up with the stupidest of dares! Soul wouldn't speak to him for a week after that humiliation.

"I thought we agreed never to speak of that." Soul snapped.

"All done!" She admired the sparkles of cleanliness that he emitted. She could see her reflection as if he were a mirror.

"Thanks, Maka." He gave her a genuine, non-smirking smile, transformed, and left the bathroom.

Maka smiled too; she liked to make him happy, which was either accomplished by this or making his favorite foods, including his favorite meal of souls. The girl unplugged the bathwater and left, almost tripping over Blaire, who looked…smug?

"Maka looks tired."

"Yeah…Soul was really dirty today!"

"Nya~?"

"Oh! Sundays are 'take care of weapon days'! Soul really likes it." Maka had forgotten that Blaire worked on Sundays. She must have gotten home early today. But why was she laughing? "What's so funny?"

"Oh, is _that _what you call it? Nyahaha~! I wouldn't have teased scythe-boy so much if I knew how close you were!"

"What are you talking about, Blaire?"

"'Taking care of weapon.'" She quoted. "I bet you take _really _good care of scythe-boy!"

Author's note

Oh dear…what have I created? I had a lot of sugar, wrote some fluff about taking care of your weapon, noticed it had a lot of innuendos, and turned it into crack. -_- It maybe have been doomed from the start to become crack. I even made a list of jokes to use.

Things I did not get to include:

You're doing such a good job!

Maka: I've been doing it for a year and have gotten much better!

Someone: That was fast

Good thing I read that book full of tips! It has pictures!

This bathroom is just too small!

I knew it would have been better if I propped you up…

I'm going to put you in now!

Let's try another position!

Maybe if I turn you upside down…

Something about sweaty hands (then I remembered Maka wears gloves when fighting…)

You're being very vocal today

I like it when you…

Should I go faster? / No; we've got plenty of time

Black*Star: it's not fun spying on a guy anyway

…List is intensive. Hope you weren't mentally scarred for life! ^_^"


End file.
